


The Price Of His Happiness Is My Pain

by Vasser



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Blood, Choking, Deterioration, Established Friendship, Fear, Hanahaki Disease, Illness, M/M, Panic Attacks, Physical Symptoms, Romance, Unhappiness, Viktor Nikiforov has hanahaki disease, Worsening condition, coughing up blood, hanahaki, kind of, unrequieted love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 13:53:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29385870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vasser/pseuds/Vasser
Summary: Viktor Nikiforov has loved Yuuri more than life for as long as he has known him, but he does not want to add onto the pressure of Yuuri's life and anxiety so he says nothing. Ignoring your own feelings comes with a steep price though, as Viktor is soon to discover. From coughing up the very first petal Viktor enters an internal battle about whether his life is worth upsetting someone as delicate as Yuuri...
Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov
Kudos: 12





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, so apparently I'm writing again now! I'm sorry, this first chapter is not going to be very good because I've been quite out of it for a couple of months. This is basically an idea I suddenly had out of nowhere and I decided it was the perfect thing to do to get back into practice before I resume my usual scheduling!
> 
> This isn't exactly going to be the happiest fic but I hope you'll all enjoy the ride anyway! Tags will update with every chapter so as not to spoil what's coming next! 
> 
> If this isn't that good I apologise, I just needed to rpwrite to get back into the swing of things and I'm sorry if I didn't do this idea justice because of that.
> 
> ~ Vasser x

Viktor Nikiforov had been in love with Yuuri Katsuki ever since he had first walked into his self-owned café precisely two years, one month and six days ago. He hadn't even been aware he had been counting until six months after they first met, when he realised he knew exactly how long it had been since the cold January morning the two of them met.

As a foreigner in America he was aware of how much he stood out (especially considering his striking silver hair and blue eyes). Meeting someone who stood out from the crowd just like him had been a refreshing change of pace and apparently love at first sight. Yuuri was also foreign, that was part of what made him stand out, but there was so much more than that! His soft-spoken manner and his anxious demeanour made the Russian man want to protect him, but conversations with the younger man had also revealed to Viktor that once he was comfortable with someone he had this humour and passion that made it worth breaking through that shy shell.

The first time they had spoken to each other had been three weeks after Yuuri's first visit. Viktor hadn't even known what he was doing at the time. His café had been more crowded than usual so the awkward individual had been forced to take a seat at the only empty table right next to the counter. He had just watched for a while while he worked, mainly wondering if the stranger was okay...

Before he knew it he had stepped out towards the table and taken the seat across from Yuuri, asking him if he was usually this nervous. It wasn't what he had been planning to say, the Russian was still sure that he hadn't even intended to go to him in the first place.

"I-I'm fine! Sorry! J-just... Just c-crowds, you know?"

Yuuri's voice had been like the sound of a wind-chime in a soft summer breeze; Viktor didn't think he would ever hear a more pleasant sound. 

From there a conversation had sparked and the silver-haired man had promised this beauty that he would always try to help him feel comfortable within the walls of his café.

Six months into their talks they had learned a lot about each other. Yuuri had move to Detroit to study at a university in America and ended up liking it so much that he made the move permanent. Now he worked full time in a flower shop while he was figuring out what to do with his degree. He enjoyed pork cutlet bowls as they reminded him of home. After learning all this and sensing Yuuri's anxiety around him starting to fade away Viktor took a chance and gave Yuuri his contact information. They ended up hanging out most weekends.

Every movie they went to see caused Viktor to become enticed with Yuuri's reactions; every walk they took together caused him to wonder if the atmosphere would feel even better as a couple. More and more thoughts of romance had filled the Russian's head over the past couple of years but he had never acted on them. Why would he? 

Yuuri was shy and anxious as it was, he didn't want to add onto that by suddenly confessing his love! It wouldn't be fair to his crush while he was trying to sort out his life! One day he would tell him. Maybe. Maybe not. If Yuuri ended up liking him it would likely become obvious so maybe he would wait to see if Yuuri ever showed any signs. If not then friendship was good enough for Viktor; anything was good enough as long as Yuuri was happy.

Still, in his daydreams Viktor frequently found himself fantasising about the kind and funny man who had caged his heart. The fantasy of the two of them together had always felt like a warm and fuzzy dream when he thought of it.

Now the fantasy filled him with an innate sense of panic. His life very much depended on it coming true.

Tears streamed down his cheeks as he clutched at his chest, trying to come down from the first panic attack Viktor had ever had in his life. It was hell, but not as much of a hell as the singular pale blue flower petal in his bathroom sink and the scratchy feeling it had left in his throat. 

Clearly he had been sat on his feelings for far too long, because Viktor had contracted Hanahaki Disease. If Yuuri didn't return his feelings he was going to die...


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! ❤️
> 
> I updated because I am invested in this idea and think it really has potential and I need my sad fix today! 🤗😊
> 
> Seriously though, the hanahaki concept has always really intrigued me and I finally gave in and decided to write it for myself and I really hope it turns out good x
> 
> Thank you for taking the time to read this and I really hope you enjoy it as it progresses! 💓❤️💓
> 
> ~ Love, Vasser x

An hour after he had finally calmed himself Viktor knew that the best option was to prepare for the worst. The thought pained him greatly but honestly he wasn't sure he would be able to convince himself to talk to Yuuri at all, and even if he did then there was no guarantee the younger man would feel the same way. The chances of Yuuri liking him back, and thus the chances of Viktor's survival, were slim.

Right now he had no idea what to do about Yuuri, everything was still too fresh. His café, however, was something he could at least have a contingency plan for.

Picking up his phone, the silver-haired man called a familiar number. The seconds he spent waiting for an answer riled him up all over again, but he knew this was for the best. Yakov was his only family; he had taken Viktor in alongside his wife Lilia after his parents died and had moved him to America for a fresh start. They had been there for each other over the years and Viktor knew that Yakov was the only person he could trust to look after his business while he waited for this to play out.

"Vitya? Why are you calling so late?"

"Yakov, I need you to take over at my café for a while."

There was a noise of surprise on the other side of the phone before suddenly a much younger voice started to yell.

"Oi, Yakov! Is that Viktor? You better ask him why the hell he hasn't been home!"

That must be Yuri. He understood the anger, Viktor was impulsive and easily swept along which often led to him forgetting to contact his family. Ever since Yakov and Lilia had adopted Yurio they had been as close as brothers despite the age gap. The feisty teenager was not going to react well to this news...

"Shut up, Yuri! I'm on the phone, you can call Viktor yourself tomorrow," their father-figure lectured sternly, met with unintelligible grumblings by the young blonde. "As for you Viktor, I don't know what you're playing at but you can't suddenly just ditch your business the way you used to skip school!"

Despite himself a sheepish laugh bubbled up from his throat and he shook his head.

"It's not like that, I promise," the Russian supplied in his usual upbeat tone before hesitating and letting his mood drop when he considered what he had to say. "Truth is that I'm sick, Yakov. Really sick. I..." Viktor paused to think as he wondered how specific he should be. His family had done so much for him and he didn't want to worry them... Before he knew what he was doing he started to lie. "I caught a really bad winter flu... I can barely go two minutes without a coughing fit, and I'm feverish... I'll get better but I'm in no position to serve people food and drink like this."

Viktor could almost imagine the look Yakov would have on his face when he realised that his eldest child had lied to him. Maybe he was only related through adoption, but they had a bond as close as any blood parent and child. It broke his heart to do this to Yakov... He planned on saying more but he suddenly got a scratchy feeling in his throat and he knew that before long he would be lost to a choking fit. He was already starting to cough a little.

The coughing must have been what his father-figure had needed because he agreed to take over at the café for a while without further fuss (on the condition that Viktor thoroughly looked after himself, of course). As much as it hurt to do so, he hung up with barely a goodbye. The last thing he wanted was for his family to discover that anything was amiss... Worrying them was not worth it, just like it wasn't worth upsetting Yuuri.

Now that he wasn't holding it back the coughs came out a lot louder and stronger. It felt awful having something stuck in his throat like this, even worse when he knew it was something that would kill him if he didn't do something! For all he was thinking about how much he didn't want to upset others Viktor had to at least be honest with himself about how scared he was.

There was a brief moment where the Russian started to panic. No matter how much he choked and coughed the petal in his throat wouldn't come up, and breathing was getting slowly more difficult. The disease wasn't even giving him a chance to consider doing something about it, it was just going to choke him to death!

Just as the man stopped breathing at all the petal suddenly came up, fluttering deceptively delicately onto the floor as Viktor gasped desperately for air. It looked so small and unassuming, almost beautiful. If it weren't the first sign that he may die Viktor may have even considered the colour as a potential new colour for the walls of his café. 

Part of him was screaming that he had to do something, that he needed to survive, but he just couldn't bring himself to subject his dear innocent Yuuri to the guilt he would feel if he didn't return the Russian man's feelings. There was no way he would ever be brave enough to say anything, even if he wanted to...

Viktor started to cry. Fat salty tears fell from his eyes as he finally let out devastated sobs, the fact that he was truly more likely than not going to die finally really sinking in. There was so much he hadn't do, so many passions he had not indulged in enough, and a family that he didn't want to leave behind.

For the longest while he cried, unable to hope for anything more than for a long enough break before the next petal came up to mourn himself.


End file.
